Ann8iversary

I am going to leave the misspellings and mis-key-strokes in this blog entry.  You can see one in the title.

Friday was the 7th aniversary of my wife's death.  It was also a very bad day at work.  The PM on my project said something incredible ignorant, calculated to make me look bad.   She asked it as a question, but it was really a judgement.   She is sly like that.   I do not believe she is that ignorant of technology.  If she is, she is not qualified to do the job she is doing.   I feel she kinew that this was the day my wife died, and calculated this event to do me the most hurt at my weakest time.

I have sent an email telling her not to contact me in any way in the future.  If she does so, I will file a harrassment claim through a lawyer, against her, my boss and AT&T in general.   I am sure she will do so.   When I told her I didn't like her sending text messages to me over and over, she did so incessantly for over an hour.

I have sent an email to my Boss describing in one sentence to technical tasks.   My PM considers them of the same complexity, which is why she judged me to be a poor performer.   I asked my Boss to tell me if he knows that those 2 tasks are not even remotely the same.   He once told me that he knows nothing about software.

If I don't have an answer by Monday, I will assume he can't tell the difference either.   If he can't, there is no point in continuing to work on this.   They have no idea the size of the burden they have placed on me to justify myself.   My Boss challenged me to do this.

I have been taking 2 seroquel at night now to help me stop having homicidal thoughts.  a year ago, one of those pills would knock me out for 12 hours.   For the last 2 weeks, they don't do anything at all.  

The only way I have been able to sleep is by eating chocolate to raise my bllod suger, and then when it drops, I can fall sleep,. It can't be candy, only reese's PB cups work.   And it has to be the mini ones that areb't wrapped.   That has the correct ratio of sugar. chocolate and protein, and the bag contains just the right amount to work.   This is dangerous, because I could go into a diabetic coma, but I don't know what else to do, I have to sleep.

If I get too much sugar, I cannot fall alseep until it gets under 150.

This is the month where we get our annual review results, our wage increase and bonus amount.  The bonus will help pay off debt.   I should get a 10% bonus, but I b3et my Boss gives me very littloe, because I have not reqched a point where I can demonstrate my tool.

Depending on what happens in the next week, I am going to buy a hand gun.   I am not sure if it will remain in a drawer, or be used for suicide or homicide.   If it was today, it would be suicide