Is Anyone Reading This?

I spent all 8 hours at work today preparing for the strike.
I am making my own reference material.

Earlier this week, I made a huge proposal to management.
It is to build a Wiki with common knowlege from all of AT&T
No response yet.

I felt like crap when I woke up today, but as the day progressed I felt much better. I was very lucid today - perhaps too much.

I realized today that I must prepare the second bedroom for Emily NOW, because I may be doing Strike Duty next week. There is a great deal to do. I don't know how I am going to get it all done. I'll probably have to cut back on my Dragon-Wars play-time.

Mid-Day Entry

I am going to make an entry now, so I don't forget.

I woke up this morning with my underwear drenched in sweat. This is not a new behavior. It comes and goes, and has happened for decades. During these peridos, I change my underwear twice a day, when I awake, and when I retire. Sometimes I do that all the time. It is why I do such large batches of whites in the eash.

I spent 5 hours at the Churchhouse this morning, cleaning. I choose only one task - vacuuming the chapel. There was a light psrinkling of glitter everywhere. What took so long was getting the glitter of the upholstery of the pews. The Church really cut back on janitorial expenses about a decade ago, and asked the memebers to volunteer their time to clean the building. Although this saves a lot of money, it isn't the reason they did that. It was to teach respect. The number of cases of vandalism being done by the youth of the Church took a steep spike, so this is, in part, a reaction to that generation.

I got mad at Dragon Wars player-parasites that whittle away at my earnings a bit at a time. That is how some people play the game - pillaging. I spent far more money and time than it was worth resisting them. Now I ignore them, but I also try to remove the cash from the till ASAP. My character, Seacil, is currently earning 22.5 million dollars an hour. I would like to incerase that to 100 million an hour - I figured it out - it is possible, but will take a long time.

There was a belated St. Patrick's Day celebration at Church at 6:30 PM, where we were supposed to wear green and bring green food. So I went - except that it was yesterday - I got the days mixed up. This is the second time I have done this.

I went all the way to McKinney to get a new exercise ball today (a whole 17 miles). It is an outdoor mall that is like a small city. Literally, hundreds of stores, all together. I went to Sports Authority because that is the only name I could think off. I bought my original exercise balls at Target, but the target's here don't sell that kind of gear. They sell stuff for kids - baseball gloves, etc. Make lots more money with that, so no shelf space.

I had purchased another exercise ball for when I came to Jennie's wedding, but they wr out of my size, so it was too small, but was OK at the time. It was the Gaiam brand - which I really like. Today, there was no Gaiam brand in the store. In fact, all the gear was one brand - body-fit, the generic brand for Sports Authority. The exercise balls looked identical to Gaiam, only the name was different. Pretty Good marketing. I suspect that no exercise gear would do very well in Texas with "Gaia" in the name.

We have upped my Vit-D to 3000 a day. I inquired about also upping calcium and Magnesium - he said no - Vit-D is the key. Once we get that right, then we can consider altering the dosage of the CA and MG.

Dang it. I have been taking Terafabine (to fight fungus) for 2 months now - typically goes for 3 to 6 months - and I am losing another toe nail.

Ssssssphngk

I just realized something - and it may be important - don't know. I am barely lucid today - I will not get much done.

I just rinsed my nose. While blowing the water out (breathe thru mouth, out thru nose, hard, into a kleenex. When I do that, about 1/3rd of the time, it fails. THe air started to blast thru my nose, then it makes this sound: Ssssssphngk, and it stops compeltely. It is like the air pressure I built up in my lungs is instantly gone, but it didn't go out my nose or my mouth. Where did it go - out my ears?

Weird.

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I just had an email exchange with my doctor. The air probably went into the esophagus - I swallowed it. It is probably nothing, but it is something I need to tell the ENT specialist when I see him next week

Freedom of the Press in Texas

There is quite a bit of freedom of the press in Texas, as long as it is ultra-right wing, sexist or lewd. I am surprised at what does get allowed, and what is not. I haven't seen one liberal blurb from the many universities here.

The "Observer" is published for free. The covers aer pretty extreme. I have been wanting to put an image in this blog so you can see how stark it is. Finally they made one that, although base, is creative enough to balance it out - at least for adult consumption.

Redirection

http://seacilspeoples.blogspot.com/

Seacil is the name of my Dragon Wars character.
I created this other blog to get more people to want to be my allies, and to help them advance faster in the game, thereby benefiting ME. ME!!!! IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!!!!

Becoming Clearer

I am so hook on Dragon Wars its pathetic.

I just took a nap with the CPAP machine attached. Did a nasal rinse jsut b4 then. Woke up 60 minutes later - totally clogged up. Could be the CPAP filter, tubing and/or facebook? ORdered replacements. My insurance would have paid for this a long time ago. They have actually called 4 times over the last 8 months asking if anything needed to be replaced. I would still have to pay my percentage (I think it is 10%). I have washed it about 5 times - but I am supposed to do that every week. Silly me.

I am back in a state where I have to remember to eat. I don't have to force it down. I did wake up hungry, and the oatmeal tasted real good. But fruit tastes dishusting. The clementines I love so much have ust a little sweetness, and are tart with a twinge of bitterness. I am still eating them. I did have toe "remember" at work. My first clue was my lack of concentration, Ate some food and suddenly I was able to think clearer - imagine that.

I got my specific Strike assignement today. I will be processing refunds and money transfers. I have more training to do. The union has voted to strike - it means nothing really. It just means that 88% of the people who showed up to vote were in favor of the strike. That doesn't mean its going to happen - we are still negotiating. In fact, I am surprised that anyone would vote at all that wasn't for the strike. That 12% - probably would be hit too hard by skipping even one 2 week paycheck - and have no backup funds - not even from teh union (such as newly hired telephone operators). IMHO, that fact that 12% went to the trouble to show up is significant - but too small. My gut reaction is that they will walk.

While surfin d net I came accross a band called "The All-American Rejects". They are mediocre, but I can't stop listening to them. They have a video called "Move Along" which I really, really like. I think what I like about it is that they are using EMO musical technique to present a message of hope and support. Lacuna Coil is much better metal. But AAR is infectious.
http://www.allamericanrejects.com/video/2472020:Video:284

Can't sleep - 2 nights in a row

3 Am and I am stil awake - I forgot to take my night time pills - just took them now.

worked from home today - too weary to trust myself driving. Have to drive tomorrow - all out of bananas.

Played Dragon Wars a lot today. Character is named Seacil. Currently earning over 900,000 dollars an hour at level 33 dwarf. That's really good.

backed up on everything - paperwork, house work, etc.

I am still at 270 LBS - have hardly done cardio again this week.
My feet and ankles are really retaining water. Probably not wlaking enough.

I realize today that I haven't made any phone calls back home for a long time.
Time to do it.

Thursday is already over!!!

Where did the day go?

I see an ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat) specialist on April Fool's Day.

Something is up at work - I got ZERO emails today. Server must be down.

I did 4 nasal rinses today, and used a breathe-right strip for most of the day. Even with all of that, I was having a hard time breathing around 3:00 PM. I did go home early, but I really wanted to work more.

I have decided that I really like laptops, although I would like the keyboards to be wider because of my big hands. So my next computer will be a laptop - no more desktop or towers for me. It will make the transition to Macintosh easier - I can keep both computers, and transfer files over the internet. I should actually start using internet based services exclusively, so that I am not locked into an one operating system because of old data files. Oh, just so you remember - I HATE MICROSOFT VISTA. (raspberry!!!!!)

Did Contingency Planning Training Today

I did Contingency Planning Training today at work. That is what they call it - my preparation for taking over someione else's job when they go on strike. Whoopideeeedo!

I went to the Temple this evening.

I have decided to slow down leveling-up in Dragon Wars so I can derive more defense points using quest dropped magical weapons.

Today went by way too fast.

I fell asleep

I have been working on something at work for weeks, and finished/publisehd it Friday.
Monday I find out it was completely unnecessary. I Was given the task by some one 2 larers above me in managment. I felt so foolish. I got upset. My nasal passages became blocked.

One nostril was more open than the other. It was only 11 AM, and I had already done 2 nasal rinses. I didn't want to do another one so soon - overdoing it can cause pneumonia. So I attempted to excavate a wider passage in the more open nostril. I scarred the tissue, and it began to bleed. It was a bad nose bleed. My nostril scabbed over, and I fell sound asleep at my desk. I didn't even know it happened.

One of my co-workers woke me up because I was snoring so loud it was distrubing people. I went home. My reaction time was very slow. I did not feel safe driving, but did not know what else to do.

I have done some research on possible treatments, and discovered something called a nasal dilator (new form of nasal stent). I have just emailed my Doctor to ask his opinion. I gotta fix this - I want to work and I want to feel good. Am I asking too much to have enough oxygen to not kill brain cells?

The Rate of the Union Address

The United States has not been that united. We are growing into it. The constitution almost was not ratified by the original 13 colonies. Even after nearly 100 years, there was a civil war. And having a common currency is a recent thing. I found these fotocopies lying around at Church, and snagged them.

I have a sore throat. I let the computer and other electronics run all day in my bedroom, and it got too hot. So I adjusted things so it would cool off and went to sleep. I awoke in the middle of the night just shivering. I need to be more careful.

I Don't Need More Evidence

I want to talk about Dragon Wars today. It is a game on Facebook and MySpace. it is actually a poorly constructed game, but it is so addictive. It is not the kind of game you play for hours at a time. It is a real time game - and you can play just 15 minutes a day - any time during the day.

One of the aspects of the game is that you need to create alliances with other players to do well. So I got excited and went to discussion boards and invited over 40 random people to be my facebook friends for the purpose of forging an alliance in Dragon Wars.

The next morning, all the money I had in the game bank was gone. My first thought was - one of those "friends" hacked into my treasury. They are not able to do that using the game interface. But there are a lot of scripts avaiable on the WWW that you can install to do things beyond what the origiinal developers intended. None of these scritps are official.

I was angry. I courteously uninvited all those friends - saying that one of them violated me. this spooked other players, who responded to me about it. I sent the IDs of all those people to the developers and told them what I thought happened.

Later, another player responded to my discussion board posts - saying it was more likely a glitch during a software upgrade than a hack. I know that software upgrades on these 24/7 high transaction volume games have problems when they upgrade.

Once in World of Warcraft, I experienced a glitch where I would kill a lion, and it would ressurect again immediately, with an additional clone. The game is designed that you cannot just start over. When your character dies, you spirit appears at the nearest graveyard, and you have to direct your spirit to where your body has lain, and re-enter it, to continue playing. As I re-entered the body, I would only get a few feet away before I was killed again by at least 20 lions. It took a long time for me to get away from there. It was a bug from a software upgrade.

So I accepted that new explanation, and I felt a lot better about life.

But my reaction of un-inviting all those people was rash, and I am paying for it. It appears that you can only invite so many people to be in your alliance. After that, you have to ask other people to let you into their alliance. I used up all my invites. So now it is harder for me to grow my crew.

To make it worse, the game developers made an offering today to appease the players that lost money. They offered a limited time only that was too good to pass up. I could buy a tavern for 58,000 and it would generate 12,000 dollars every hour. But in order to buy the tavern, you had to have an alliance of a certain size. Each tavern would cost 1000 more and require 2 more allience members. So I gathered what I could, and bought 3 taverns today. I would have loved to buy more, but I could not get allies fast enough.

So my expectations of recieving less (or having less) came true simply because that was how I was dealing with the universe in that game. I got what I expected. The Secret is true - I just wasn't true to the Secret - that is, I didn't use the secret to my advantage - better said: I used the Secret to my disadvantage. I did this - I caused this.

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Addendum: Wow! Wow! Wow! Just 30 minutes after making this blog post, I almost had enough money to buy another tavern. The instant I made enough money to get a tavern, a person popped up to be my new ally, and I could close the deal. He showed up riight in time, as if on cue.

Good Day

I gave blood today to take tests to make sure I am alright. Had to fast.

I did some good research today - but things are so haphazard at work, I don't know if what I am doing is redundant to someone's elses activity, or if it is already known, etc. Kind crazy.

I was so tired today. I didn't walk enough, and my spine hurts. I will begin taking hydrochlorothiazide again tomorrow. It is a diuretic, so I stopped taking it, but just for a while. Now I am retaining water, and my ankles hurt. so I really should take it, and not just because of hypertension.

I am officially addicted to a facebook game called Dragon Wars. It's a dumb game, but I can't walk away.

I am not craving sweets anymore. Maybe a little, but it is easy to resist.

Better Day

My mind is beginning to clear up. I had more energy today - worked 7 hours. Woke up after just 4 hours, went back to bed for 2 more, then got up. I guesss it takes a week for the Xanax to take affect. I was a little more aware today.

I took the missionaries out to dinner tonight. We had seafood. I had an accident again, but at least I made it in the front door before it happened.

totally Out of It

I didn't evebn last an hour at work today. I could not stay awake. I went in to take care of an administrativ3e thing that had to happen today. I was unable to control my bladder on the way home. This has really depressed me. I could not face to world after that. Tomorrow will be better. Right now, I cannot focus on anything for more than 15 minutes.

Sleepy Day

I jsut couldn't wake up today. I reset the alarm for 30 more minutes 3 times - not like me. Once I got up, I was totaly groggy. By the time I got to work, I was feeling awake, but this lasted only 3 hours, and I fell sound alseep at my desk. I went home, and use some nasal spray to see if that would clear my congestion. My thinking was that I had labored breathing when using my nose, so the sleepiness was oxygon deprivation. I went to a doctor's appointment, and then back to work. I lasted an hour, and was totally sleepy. This time was nose was clear. I stopped fighting it. I went home and now I am getting ready for bed.

Changing things up

I am going to start making these entries at night. If you read me entries, you will see I am always talking about "yesterday". I have 2 periods each day when I am sitting still at home - when I use my mood light in the morning, and when I wait for my body to get ready for sleep. I can't sleep unless I am a little cold, and it takes about 30 minutes for my sleep med to work.

I got this picture from 30 feet away in my car. This Cardinal, the first one I ever remember seeing, flew into a dormant wooded area next to the parking lot at work. It really stood out against the grey tree trunks. I got out of the car to see if I could get a picture through the openings in the cyclone fence, but it flitted away.

I saw my first flying insect this week. it was huge - like a gargantuan mosquito. But there was only one.

I copied my audio CDs of the Book of Mornon onto my hard drive, and then edited them to just contain the chapter summaries. It took 3 CD ROMs to hold them, but not because of their size - but because of their count. A CD Rom will only allow you to have 99 tracks.

Then I cut and pasted the chapter heading of the Book of Mormon text fromt eh Church website into an excel file. I played the CD ROMs at double speed, and used a guide to keep my eyes on the corresponding text. I was able to read the entire summary of the Book of Mormon in 60 minutes. I am getting used to this. Double speed seems too slow now, but I haven't found anything cheap that will go faster. There is a device I can buy that can go up to 7 times faster, but it costs $700 dollars. No Way!

I sent off the paper work today to join the American Historical Society of Germans from Russia. I was a member about 20 years ago. This time I hope they have more genealogy information available online. I want to advance my Mother's Line. We only have 2 generations back, and then the info cuts off because of the communist revolution. The Russians were prejudiced against the Germans in the Volga, which is why the Seckinger's left the village of Frank, which they helped to found 100 years earlier. If I can establish this link, I can get at least 5 more generations back.

I got this shot from 30 feet away. There is a wooded area next to the parking lot at work - all of them dormant and grey. This cardinal, the first one I saw in my life, flew into the middle of it. I took this shot from inside my car. I got out of the car and tried to walk the 15 feet to the cyclone fence to get a better shot, but it flew away.

I got a lot of chores done yesterday. I stayed up too late again.

a bit better

Brain is working faster today. I went to my psychiatrist on the 5th, and we agreed on a 0.5 mg dosage of Xanax daily, at least for this month. The anxiety level is way down, but still there. He said: use your tools - but there is no triggering even, at least not one I can see. When I search inside, it is the strike. Not the strike duty, but what happens after the strike. It is completely out of my hands, so I should just have faith and let that go. I have been laid off twice in my life, and both times, it had nothing to do with how well I was performing at work - I was actually doing a great job both times.

I am constantly hungry. I can't sate it. I crave sweets incessantly. Last night, I found something that stopped it. When I had the flu, I purchased several cans of chicken noodle soup. I decided to eat one, and opened the can. it was a can of cream of chicken soup. All the other canes were chicken noodle. I checked the ingrdients - no dairy. So I ate it right from the can - no added water, no heat. AND THE HUNGER WENT AWAY. I felt stuffed. I will try it again today with Chicked Noodle soup. I think it was the salt - my body needs salt.

I have been having bad problems with congestion when I stay at home, even if I do a nasal rinse. I figured out why last night. The filter on my bed rom air purifier had to be changed - it was filthy. I woke up today being able to breath much more freely. I waited too long to change the filter - should do it every 3 months.

I am going to buy a colored pill box today. I use green for spirulina and blue for Omega 3, but I use white for noth night time and day time prescription meds. I am hoping to find a yellow one - for daytime meds. I find that relying on color to identify things really helps me.

I have one month to get readt for the strike. I have barely done any training. I have to hit it hard now.

Sloooooow Brain

I madea a mistake yesterday with my meds. The pillbox for my morning meds and nighttime meds are the same color. I took ,my daytime meds last night by mistake. TOday, I am stumbling around. The mood lite and Alpha-stim are not doing much to speed me up, as they usually do. I do puzzles each morning to test the brain. I actually lost to the computer playing boggle - that is a first.

I don't feel safe driving today. I will call work, and work from home. I wanted to see a movie today. Perhaps I will be awake enough to drive this afternoon.

WARMTH

It is going to be warm today.

I am going to see my psychiatrist today, and we are going to discuss my anti-anxiety medications. I tapered off of them this month, and the results were not good. I was unable to sleep, and my health and mental accumen dropped accordingly. The final proof of that was a phone call from the front office - I forgot to write my rent check this month.

Kofi may have gotten himself into big trouble. He was in an autoaccident. The vehicle was rear-ended when it exetcuted a U-turn. In Kofi's mind, it was a simple matter of getting the police report, and making an insurance claim against the driver. It is not turning out that way. He went to emergency at a Hospital, and now has a bill of $4000 (for 2 X-Rays), etc. It has been a month, and the hospital wants their money. I have noticed this in Texas, Doctor's want to be paid quickly. Althought the owner of the car has insurance, his brother was driving the car, and has no insurance. The owner and his insurance company is resisting the claim - it can't even get started. kofi's free lawyer syas they will have to go to court. In the meantime, Kofi might draw enough attention to himself to recognized as undocumented by the INS - and be deported.

A movie come sout this weekend - Watchmen. I have read the graphic novel, and it is fantastic. The movie is bloody, violent and sexual content, but I am going to see it anyway. I saw Schindler's list for the same reason - It is too significant historically and artistically. The story is not just an excuse to show explosions and fighting, like so many other movies. It is a close examination of the human side of superheroes (if there were such things as costumed vigilantes). If there really was a Superman, he would abuse his power. Captain America would be a racist. Wonder Woman would be a sex object.

Staying HomeToday

February was the month when we were going to try to take me off anti-anxiety medication. IMHO, doing without is not working. I am having a hard time falling asleep, and the quality of my health has gegraded slowly. I am tired all the time, and my thoughts are somewhat confused. That is what fooled me, somedays my thoughts were real clear, but I have no energy nor enthusiasm.

I will see Dr. Peris tomorrow, and I will discuss going back on the meds again. I took 0.5 mg of Xanax last night, and it did help me fall asleep faster and to sleep deeper.

I visited a family on Sunday, and the Father told me somethign funny that his children said. When I started attending this ward, they did not know my name. To identify me to their parents, they would call me "Brother Smiley" because I smiled all the time.

I am staying home today not so much for illness, but also for logistics. I will be giving Kofi a ride to the distribution center to get a food order. He has no food, and hasn't had much for about 2 weeks. The cente is closed on Monday, so I felt it would be best to take home to the center as soon as it opens at 1PM today. Since I also have a Recovery International meeting tonight, I am trying to cut down on travel time. I will work from home this morning.

conference, Kofi and Stuff

I went to stake Conference yesterday. It was broadcast from SLC to 2 states - new Mexico, Texas and Oaklahoma. President Uctdorf presided and gave the last address. He is always good.

Kofi is out of food again. He talked to the Bishop about getting a food order. last week, he told me he was unable to pay his rent. I gave him a ride to get the paperwork from the Releif Society President. The Bishop works at home on Tuesday (and the Distribution center is closed on Monday), so I will take a break at Noon on Tuesday - call the Bishop to verify he is at home and able to sign the form, then get Kofi, and go sign it, then pick up the order.

As I gave Kofi a ride home from Conference, he hinted that the Elders had laoned him money so he could buy some food. I gave him a ride to Franks Beer and Wine to get more "cookies". He told me that he was too old to be eating junk food, that it is bad for his blood pressure. All of these statements were designed to illicit sympathy and pity, so that I would bring him food, as I have done before.

In 2008, the total amount of money Kofi earned was $400. He really needs to go back to Ghana.

I think about bringin food by again, but I see that he has cable TV brought into his home. I have decided that as long as Kofi has money to pay for TV, I will not buy him food directly. When he gets food from the distribution center - it is a lot. If he manages that well, it could feed him for 2 to 3 months. But it is always gone in a month.

His latest roommate/cousin, Nana, did not get a job until it was absolutely certain they were going to be locked out. A few week prior to that, It was the first time I met him. I asked him what he did for a living - he said he was a machinist, but then quickly, and artificially stated "But God will take care of me". This was something that kofi had been saying for about a month prior, that he wasn't going to worry about a job, that God will take care of him.

I am beginning to sense how masterful Kofi is at setting up codepencemce.

I did a lot of genealogy yesterday, and I have decided to join the American Historical Society of Germans from Russia. I was a member many years ago. Now they have online services. Maybe I will be able to make that link between those that immigrated to America, and those that stayed behind.

Getting Better

I did many cho=res yesterday, and rested in between, plus went to a n evening meeting for Stake Conference. I awoke early, and it was a long day. The Sunday session of conference is at 10, and I need to give Kofi and Augustus a ride. That means waking up at 7 AM. I have been having trouble falling alseep - I was up until 12:30. I feel tired, and my thoughts are not clear, but my stomach does feel better.

I am looking forward to a movie that comes out this weeked - Firday, called Watchmen. When I saw the first trailer in the theater, I rushed out and bought the book. it is a fantastic story, but not for the faint of heart. It is a very violent story, with an intellectual twist. The critics are split. 10% were put off by the film. 50% raved about it. 40% said that it is a must-see even though it did not rise to the occasion, becuase of the visual artistry and cinematic genius in portraying this story that was said to be unfilmable. I look forward to seeing it.

It is 28 degrees outside and feels like 17 (high winds - chill factor). The high will be 54.
It will be sunny, with few clouds. Bright Blue Sky, but cold enough to snow. Thi is Texas.