NOV 3rd was a bad, Nov 4 is good

I knew I was reacting to 4 Nov, my former wedding anniversary, for months now. This is the first year I am using the term "former". I know we are still sealed. I miss her terribly. Bit I am lonely, and need to move on.

I went to Physical Therapy on 3 NOV at 10 AM. It worse me out. I tried to work after wards, but that only last 2 hours. I was so tired, and my muscles were sore. I could barely stay awake, so I went home. I tried to nap several times that afternoon/evening. Sleep just would not come. I would lie and let my mind wander, and soon noticed all my muscles tightening up. I would will my self to relax, and let my mond wander, and I would tense up again. This happened over and over, until early AM.

I don't know what time I fell asleep. But I slept very deeply. I haven't rested like that in a long time. My body really needed it, and my mind finally let it have what it needed.

I had set my 2 month psych appointment for 4 NOV on purpose. Last year, on this date, I was a mess. I never really got out of bed (except to dispose of waste and eat). I really wanted to go vote, but just couldn't. Today, after the Drs appt, I went to dinner, did a bit of shopping, played with the puppy for a long time, and watched Disney's "Enchanted". So Delightful. I think I'll watch it again tomorrow.

The problem with me is that I just cannot talk to single women - I don't know why. If a girl is my friend, and I have no sexual interest in her - I can talk all day long - share and have fun. But if there is even the slightest possibility of romance, I just can't talk to them. Except for 1. Karen Sue Brown. I have always felt comfortable in her presence. I always felt I could trust her. And I always thought she was very pretty and smart.

I have only felt that way about one other woman, but she is not LDS. I left her back in California. I never went out with her, but had lots of contact with her in the business world.

There is a woman in my Ward that I can talk to easily, but I am only beginning to feel some chemistry there. She is a new convert - about 6 months now. I am kind of waiting for her to make it to the Temple. Then maybe I will know/decide.

This lonliness is bad for my heart. I am so glad Emily is here, and that I let her get a puppy.