Doctor's Visit

I have been having a hard time breathing - the Doctor was worried, so I went in today.

In the past 6 weeks, I have gained 20 ILBS, for an all time high of 325. My waist size increased 4 inches. The constriction my pants put on my torso is part of what was making it hard for me to breathe.

I had an eeg test today, and urine/blood work. EEG showed that the irregular heart beat is back - called Trigemeny - 3 beats when there should be only one. I had this in 2006, after Karen died. It could be a precursor to a stroke. We are going to do a sonogram of the heart. I had one done in 2006 - it revealed nothing. What we are looking for is weakened heart valves.

I am constantly fatigued. I feel air hunger all the time. I move really slowly.

We are also going to do an oxygen test (I forget the name), where I wear a n oxygen monitor all day, and it records my oxygen level all day.

I am having cravings for sweets again.

I love our puppy, even though she turns my world upside down

Twice Now

I have done it twice now, in a row. I forget to fill up the reservoir on my CPAP machine with distilled water. And as a result, I have a difficult time breathing the next day. I don't know how long the resevior was empty, but not too long, the bottom was moist.

As a result, I got very little done today. I didi put together my new chair. I really like it. You should try one. Herman Miller Embody

My YouTube presence as AccidentalLyrics is increasing - I should make some more backwards videos.

I love to hear women sing in a certain pitch. That is why I like Evanescence and Lacuna Coil. When they sing with intensity, they reach this pitch that gives me such release.

DR GUESS

DR GUESS SAW THE RESULTS OF THE ENG-CNS TEST = mODERATE NEUROPATHY IN THE FEET AND MILD NEUROPATHYIN TEH SPINE.

It is time to do sanother ingection, Thus will br brtrrn L5 and S1.
If this is not enough, the next operation is surgery 0f triming the inner ring if the disc so that it leaves more room fir the nerves to pass thriugh,

I hVE HAD TIO CORRECT THE SPELELING IN THE LAST PARAGRAOPH SO MANY TIMES, IT IS PATHETIC

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i DREAMED OF SOMWEOIN NAMED kour. iT IS KIND OF A PUN ON cOAWRD

My Brain is Tired

The puppy has learned to Fetch balls. Now she brings them back to me instead of bringing them to Emily. It's a blast.

I got an email this week from the admin assitant to my boss's boss.
She was supposed to send it in July, but says she just saw it now.

Essentially, everyone under that man is supposed to get a passing grade in 100 hours of training before 30 SEP. I have been doing it super fast. I am half way thru. It is exhausting. I don't think this is an accident. Something intervened and caused her to send that email late. It is internal politics. We are being set up for failure. I will succeed.

I was craving sweets very badly today. I went to the snack room on the first floor, and bought some cookies from a machine. I got 40 cents iin change, Only my index fiunger could fit in the return change slot. I was able to get out the quarter and nickel, but I couldn't even tell if there was a dime in there. Something was in there, I could tell, but I felt nothing like a dime in there. I was not able to get it out. So I switched to the left index finger. I was able to locate the dime easily, and got the dime out in one try. This means there is neuropathy in my hands too, it just isn'y causing pain yet.

I tried going to bed without the heavy pain drugs, just using celebrex, lyrica and zolpidem to sleep. It has been 2 hours - nothing happened, not even remotely close to sleep. I felt rigid, and could not get the tension out of my body.

Weird Food

I am able to drink carrot juice! It has been 2 weeks, and I do not see a reaction. And I found a new way to eat it. I really like it when I dip bread into it and then eat the bread. it lets the juice stay on the tongue longer, and actually taste better to me than just drinking it straight.

Also, I have found a new treat. Aunt Jemima's Buttermilk Pancake Mix. You don't cook it, just drink it after mixing it with water. To me, it is like a milk shake. It tastes very good. Don't tell Emily, it will gross her out.

Shou Shou is afraid of heights. And not just high heights. She is afraid to step down 6 inches to the floor. So I am training her with treats. We just started today.

I tied a chew toy to the end of a rod with a line 9of string - looks like a fishing pole. So I go Puppy Fishing. She loves it. I use it to give her exercise indoors. I can get her running in circles. Sometimes she chomps down real tight, and then lets her legs go limp, and I drag her around like a mop. We both enjoy this very much.

I was exhausted all day, but got a lot done. I am not in too much pain. It is time to go to bed, but I have to wait until a batch of towels finishes washing, so I can move it to the dryer.

I have started a new game called Yoville. I am beginning to collect items to create works of art in my virtual apartment. I have an M.C.Escher-like effect going on in one of my virtual bathrooms. Everyday, I give out lots of flowers to girls and worms to boys. I have a virtual crew of 53, and it is still growing.

Thye are having us take lots of training at work now. I know why. They are going to use our scores to determine who stays, and who is laid off. At least, its part of their equation - age, health, and many other things enter into it. That is why I will never be a hiring manager again - I hate having to make that kind of decision about someone else - it tears me up inside.

Home Sweat Home

I am sweating a lot at night while sleeping ontop of an electric blanket. I have decided to use those disposable bed liners made of paper that they use on hospital beds. It is amazing how much salt comes out of me each night.

I had a day dream where I introduced myself to Diana Rigg as "the KnowWhere man, but you can call me Knowall".

I gave the puppy a bath today. She put her back legs against my tummy and then stretched out as far as she could go, attempting to get away. She looked like supper puppy trying to fly. We are still having problems teaching her to be house trained.

Not as I planned

I was going to do a lot of labor today. But in the morning, I decided not to take pain meds until the evening, or at least as long as I could. I was not in pain. last time I tried this, my body hurt all night.

But this time it will be different. I have been sleeping on top of an electric blanket on HIGH for over a week now. Each morning, I am able to stand up without pain. Whenever I laid down (several times), I turned on the heat. The results are encouraging.

I stopped taking spirulina and Omega-3 fatty acids for several weeks now. I am going to begin again with the Omega-3. I stopped taking them to see if it would halp me lose weight. It didn't. I have noticed that on the days I take Omega-3, my mind is much clearer and I am able to focus my attention better.

I laid down for most of the day.

I have found something odd. I can handly carrot juice again - but only if I drink it at room temperature. I like it a lot, and more than once I am too impatient to wait for it to warm up. If I drink it when it's cold, I get the runs s few hours later.

I started playing a game called Yoville on Facebook. It is cute. My avatar's name ia Agro. I borrowed the term from gaming terminology. Agro means attraction. I wish it would let me "work" more. In WoW, there were many things my avatar could do to generate funds. My character was a Tauran, so I was a hunter and skinner. I am not even sure how the factory in Yoville works.

I found in Yoville that I don't want a lot of stuff. Some people have really decorated their apartments. I rearrange everything in my apartment to look like modern art. I spend most of my money on flowers to give away to ladies and worms (meant for fishing) to give away to guys. I enjoy starting water fights. I realize from this that If I had to give up more possessions, I think I could do it without pain or grief. I just need to be around a lot of people, so I can do nice things for them

Weird Dream

I just slept 10 hours. I had the weirdest dream. It kept changing contexts so fast. This is what I can remember.

A large group of people had just gone outside. I was in my early 20s. Most of the people there were also my age, and I had a vague notion that we were all part of a group - a school or company. There was an entrance to what looked like a broken down mine shaft, with a shed like front door. LEading up to it was a short cement walkway.

There were older men there, examining portions of the walk way. I could see interfaces coming up from the cement, exposing various levels of technology. There was water pipes, but also higher level of tech, like fiber optic cable, and futuristic stuff that I had know idea what they were.

The older men kept coming up to me telling me important things that one would ex-[ect they would tell the leader of the group, but I was not the leader, so they had to tell someone, and I looked responsible, so they told me. All I can remember is one of them saying. You cannot continue to have Radar unless you renew your Radar licencse".

I went inside the mine shaft. It had rough hewn edges, but looked different than one would ecpect a mine shaft to be. There was a room carved into the side of the main shaft, to the left, just after coming into the mine. It was filled with equipment. It looked like large replicas of baby toys. There were these things that looked like Fischer-Price toy vacuum cleaners, but they were adult size. They looked like they were made out of cheap plastic. They were mostly white, with a trim of baby pink or baby blue.

There were 2 sizes, one smaller than the other. The smaller ones were pink. One of my peers knew about them, and took one by the handle. It was then that I notised that instead of a vacuum snout, there was a rotating blade interface, like a lawn mower with the blades facing forwards. It was like a lawn mower that had been modified to be a weapon. The peer took a smaller one, and started pullling it back and forth like a vacuum cleaner, but rapidly. It was not turned on, so he was making the "engine noises" by humming/growling. This was all in jest. He took a close jab at soomeone, then said "This is the Fox, it kills tomorrow". I understood his meaning to be "this weapon is only meant to wound". Then he gestured with his other had to one of the bigger, blue-accented attack-mowers, and said: "This is the Wolf, it kills today", meaning that this weapon was specifically designed to kill in one stroke.

Then we all went into a room that looked lke a classroom for a lab class. The room was mostly filled with people - I was the last to arrive. Most of the guys in the room were had school jackets on, and were acting like Jocks. I quickly sat down. Someone said my first name: "Larry". Everyone was seated, and I could not tell who was speaking. I did not know who was speaking, nor did I recognize the voice, but I knew it wasn't the voice of the teacher. He said my name again. I still did not respond. So then 5 jocks all sitting next to each other near the front of the room raised their hands. Everyone in the room had smirks on their faces, like they were in on the joke. The Name Caller knew that this was a tease/stall tactic, so he called my name again firmly. I raised my hand and said "here".

The caller began to call out other names. I do not remember them. But at one point, a cacausian student near to me stood up and sat down again when a name was called. Prior to this, everyone had just been raising their hand. When the next name was called, the same guy stood up, and there was snickering throughout the room, like that was real funny. He quickly sat back downm and hid himself from view, but then just as quickly, another person stood up in the exact same space, but this time an Afro-Amoercian male in a school jacket. This one also quickly got down under the table quickly, out of sight, and was replaced by a girl wearing a scarf. She was frightened or embarassed, and so stood up very slowly, and rellay didn't get very high, not any higher than the people who were seated. Some of the guys thought this was pretty funny.

That's all I can remember.
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I continue to sleep on top of an electric blanket turned up to high. The dog had peed on my bed cover, so I only had a sheet on top of the electric blanket. This is really improving my health. For the lat 2 mornings, I have had a thin film of sweat absorped into my under-shirt, and had to change. I get up from the bed with no back pain or stiffness/soreness, and I have more energy.

It is not like I have a lot of energy, but before, I would wake up feeling like I had no energy at all - completely drained.

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I remember a little bit of another dream. I was in the SF bay Area. A tourist from Normay came up to me, and started asking me about this restaurant that was nort of the Bay Area in Fairfield, that was supposed to be authentic Norwegian cuisine. I told him I had been there, and that the food was authentic. Then he asked "Do they use Norwegian Curries?'. I responded with "That's the hard part. Sometimes they can't always get them, so they have to use American Curries."

Better

I was able to get to work sooner today, and was able to make it thru the day without going to my car for a nap.

I had the EMG-NCS test today. perlim results: peripheral neuropathy & something else. Meaning - the spine is causing the pain in the upper part of my legs. The spine is not causing the pain/numbness in my feet. The pain/numbness in my feet is advanced.

So this means - more heavy duty drugs - or something else maybe - we'll find out/

I want to record something I do not like about my current assignment at work. Everything is set up with charge numbers, and all your time is supposed to be accounted to these numbers. But you are only supposed to put a little of your time on the charge number.

SO - as a result, no one has anough time to really learn anything. In order to take the time to learn something, which takes many hours, you have to spread your time across many charge numbers even though what you are studying is only indirectly helping these projects. It feels so unclean. Fortunately, I have over 60 charge numbers I can use, so each prjoect sees me charge 1 or less hours a week, low enough not to draw attention. But I still don't like it. Lots of other people do it, but they don't produce large bodies of knowlege like I do. They just use up time.

Work and Sleep

WORK - Tuesday 1 SEP.

I spoke with my HR Rep at length yesterday. The only thing I want to record is:
1. You do not get medical benefits unless you retire at 65 or older.
Which means if the lay you off at 64 years old - too bad.
I have seen this happen at AT&T before.
I got a strong impression from God at that moment that I would not be recieving medical benefits from AT&T

2. It may be nearly impossible for me to permission to work from home,
even if my health is really bad - like being confined to a wheel chair and in chronic pain.

HOME - Tuesday 1 SEP

The puppy was sleeping at my feet of the rocker. Then I got up from the rocker, it struck her muzzle. She gave a little whelp, and then went limp I thought she was dead. She was not wimpering in pain. I was able to open her mouth. Eventually she yawned, and she did drink some water. She was real nervous, and spitting up a clear fluid which Emily researched on line to be bile.

HEALTH - Wednesday 2 SEP

Last night, I forgot to heat up the bed by sticking the electric blanket between the sheets for several hours before going to bed. So I just stuck the blanket in between the sheets, made the bed, turned the electric blanket on high, and laid on top of the down filled zippered slip cover I use for a bed cover. I meant to only do it for a while, but I slept like that all night.

Best night's sleep I have had for months