For the last week, I have only been sleeping 3 or 4 hours a night. It has been hard to fall asleep, but then I wake up feeling reasonably refreshed in the mid morning, like 8:30 Am. I am able to get going and feel like applying myself.
Today, I only slept 3 hours I think, maybe 5). I woke up feeling blah. I didn't want to do anything. I felt like my life was a waste because I was not doing anything worthwhile, and there was nothing worthwhile that I wanted to do. I forced myself to change underwear (they were drenched in sweat), rinse my nose, but I did not take my meds. I went to the kitchen and had some grapefruit, not because I was hungry but because I was thirsty, and the infused water the grapefruit is packed in tastes very good to me and refreshes me everytime. I also ate some watermelon.
I still felt blah, but decided to clean Emily's room some more. I am trying to call it the guset room now, but it is hard for me to do that. Part of me wants her to come back. I was browsing facebook yesterday, and chanced upon Nic's photo album. It had some pictures of Shou Shou in them. When the first picture popped up unexpectedly, my heart jumped. Oh, how I miss that puppy.
I decided to work on the storage under the bed. The one I choose was full of framed pictures. I decided to remove the pictures from the frames and store then in something smaller, then give the frames away. I worked about an hour, and got half of it done. Then I felt very tired.
I decided to sleep some more. Part of me didn't want to go back to sleep because I felt I really should go to the post office today, and I was not sure how long I would sleep. I took my meds first. They were very hard to get down. There is no soreness in my throat, but it was really hard to swallow the larger pills. I decided not to take my pain meds today. I have to get off of them sometime. perhaps cold turkey, or doing them all at once instead of one at a time, is not the best course of action, but that's what I want to do today.
I went back to bed, and slept for 2.5 hours.
I dreamed that I was working doing marketing at a very large company. I was 35 years old. I had been at the company a long time. I had been told by management that I had not moved up the ladder because they were unsure how well I could lead/motivate others.
My supervisor came by to let me know he was going to be gone for a week, and he wanted my to act in his stead. I had to meet with his boss once a week, which happened to be the next day, and present the recent marketing concepts. A peer of my supervisor had come by to assure me that he would also be there and help cover for me. I was also told that I need to leadthe TOTAL meeting each morning. I didn't know what time the meeting started (because I had never been to one), but I knew it was early. It is considered a teaching meeting. I had forgotten what the acronym T.O.T.A.L. stood for. A vague memory said it was misspelled, and was actually T.O.T.E.L.. I didn't go because it had degenerated to a pep rally.
My supervisor gave me a presentation board (poster size) with the current concept on it. He said that more presentation boards needed to be done for tomorrow. I assumed that meant I needed to do them. It was an overwhelming task. I realize now (as I write this) that I was being tested to see how well I delegated this. The presentation board had two rows of 5 items held onto the board by some kind of short chain for each item. The items were centered on the board. They seemed to be random items. There was some symbolic meaning to some of the items, but no overall theme. I remember one of the items was a butane cigarette lighter.
My supervisor said that they wanted to focus on other themes, like the concepts on "one" and "elf". Then he and his peer left together.
The building that I worked in was a huge complex. I was hungry. The building actually had multiple cafeterias in it. I decided to go to the one closer to my supervisor's boss's office. There was no reason for it, I just did it. It was a long walk for inside a building, but not that long, really. I ate lunch, and decided to take an alternate way back to my office.
The part of the building I was in appeared run down. There were very few people in this area. There was old equipment abandoned in hallways. Occasionally someone would stumble on a piece of equipment and act like it was something hard to get, and they would quickly carry it away, looking over their shoulder. I passed by a janitor a few times. Both of them had an expression like: All these yahoos don't know nothin'
I exited the building in an old neighborhood. I began to walk to my office from the outside of the building, but I only had a general idea which way to go. I walked by a house being rebuilt my an older couple. The sides of the house had been replaced with this blue sheet material, which I recognized was the water tight material that was a new product.
As I passed their house, the neighbor's dog barked at me, but was not able to get to me. The couple came by to see that I was alright. They were very friendly, but did not introduce themselves. I did not introduce myself either, but I was friendly to them as well. after elarning that I was endeavoring to navigate the streets to get to my office, they diced to accompany me.
This is where the dream gets really weird.
The area became more commercial as we walked, but it was the very poor end of the economic spectrum. We came into a block in which all the business were entertainment, based on some kind of outerspace theme. They were cheap simulation thrills. The old man thought this was so cool, and said he wished we had had this when he was young.
We ended back up in residential neighborhoods again, but these were very run down. We crossed a park where a lot of ball games were being played. I got hit in the head with a baseball. I wasn't sure it was an accident.
Then there were empty lots between houses, some of them very large, and all of them overgrown with weeds and junk. The junk was strange. Things like a plastic lawn gnome that was 6 feet tall, 2 foot tall martini glass. A lounge chair that looked like an orange cut in half.
The people we encountered were not friendly and sometimes aggressive. I was on a hillside, and looked out over the valley before me. I could see 2 very large smoke stacks. They were seperated by a few miles. This was a bad sign, because from my office window, they looked like they were right next to each other, indicating that we were very far from my office.
I realized then that I had a GPS system on my cell phone. The older couple laughed. They had one, too, but only had recently purchased it, and did not know how to use it, and had forgotten about it, too.
as I brought out my phone to activate the GPS, a man came close to us with his phone out, and was watching me as if he was trying to learn from what I was doing. The strange man was hispanic. He said nothing. When we looked at him like "what are you doing?", he took offense. We decided to leave. He followed us, insulting us with mild insults. At a large metallic sliding door, he stayed behind, and closed the door behind us, shouting "Republicanos". I chirped back "Democrat", and as I did so, I took a nearby garden hose and held it behind my like it was a donkey's tail, and wiggled the hose. Various people in the neighborhood laughed.
This is when I woke up.
I did not want to do anything, but agreed with myself that it might be fun to at least record the dream. Now that it is done, I feel like going back to bed.
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