False BLiss

Over the years, I have experienced what I thought was bliss several times.   I experienced True bliss only a few times, but now I can tell the difference.

True bliss was attained through meditation for a long period.   THe first time I attained true bliss was after 90 minutes of silent mantra in a prayer closet.   I had a key to t eh Church house, and was using the sacament preparation room.

False blisss has to do with partial asphyxiation.  Something in my throat causes me to snore.   I can feel a flap of flesh in my throat vibrating when I snore.    As a young teen, my shoulders really began to grow.   A pillow has always made me feel choked.   THe flap of flesh would seal of my throat when I used a pillow.

THe nasal congestioin did not help this situation either.

SO,  when I wake up feeling bliss, I noticed that one or both of my hands were behind my neck, forcing me into a position where I could breathe, but the airway was constricted.   THe bliss was due to the asphyxsiation.

I have seen on TV shows how people use asphyxiation to achive a higher high, such as when they have sexual relations.  THis is false bliss.  Even false bliss feels really good, and you don't want it to stop.

Today, I woke up early with false bliss.   It does feel goood.   But I gotta be careful with it.  I don't know what it is like to be manic, but it maight be feuled or initiated by false bliss.

Typically, when I had falsde bliss, I would have a corresponding low period from 3 to 15 days later.   But that isn't happening now.  So I worry about becoming manic.  THinking all is well when all is not well, but actually in a state of decline or crash, is not good at all.

I have been panicking for a few days because this is it.   THis week will determine if I get Short Term Disability.   I need to prepare to accept either answer.   False Bliss does relieve the panic feelings, but at what cost?