Same old, same old

Friday, I tried to make it a work emulation day. I sat at the computer as much as I could, and didn't take the "as needed" pain meds. I did this because my chiropractor said that the change in my back was miraculous. I did fine.

Until I went to bed. I was feeling cold all day. When I got between the sheets, it felt like the matress was sucking all the heat from my legs and buttox. It was very painful. I heated the matress up with an electric blanket, and then I was able to fall asleep, but I could feel tension in the tailbone and right hip.

Today, I was a complete wreck. I felt so horrible I could not tell what was wrong with me. The thought of eating was disgusting. By noon, I realized that this might be a pain reaction, so I took pain meds. (I have been taking all pain meds each morning and night, including the "as needed" meds) Within 2 hours a felt somewhat better, and felt like eating.

I have been bringing cashews back into my diet. I really love 'em. And I cannot have them. Within 2 to 4 hours, I get explosive diarhea - bad enough that it requires the toilet bowl to be cleaned. This is very discouraging. The IgO index for cashew was just one. Chocolate has the same effect, but much worse. It's score is 4, and the diarhea continues for days until I feel like I am pumping acid out my rear.

I am coming to the realization that this might be it - I might be in pain like this from now on. So I am going to work on Monday.

I will be getting a nerve pain test soon - can't remember what it is called. It will be a full body test, where they stick acupuncture like neeedles in my skin and measure the electrical conductivity. This will guide the orthopaedic doctors in knowing how to control my pain.
Right now, it feels like my ass is on fire - no joke - burning flesh.
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I thought I'd add more. This is from Sunday Morning. I have decided to use seroquel each night to help me choose when I go to bed. It is prescribed for anxiety, but it is also a sedative. I have not been taking it for months.

I also put the electric blanket in the bed and turned it on HIGH for 2 hours before going to bed. This really helped. I had plenty of REM sleep - I remember the dreams. I have set the clock alarm for 7 Am, and I will get up then - like I did today. My body wants more sleep, so I laid back down at 9 Am for an hour - also had REM sleep and dreams. I plan to go to bed as soon as I get back from Church and eat dinner.

The dreams are interesting. they change copntext so quickly, over and over. hey are about simple things, things I do all the time, but most of the dreams have an alternate presentation from my currrent reality. A slight differernce in the floor plan of the apartment, that kind of stuff. The only thing I can remember from the dream is reaching for a shirt in the closet, and the entire rod which holds the clothes hangers up came loose and all the clothes fell forwards on me. It was startling, but not scary.

I had a realization about Katie. I don't know why she is shutting me out of her life. Some of the kids say it's because she feels she has to take the burden of Mom's role in the family because I am not stepping up to fill her shoes. But that doesn't matter. I decided long ago to let my children have the intellectual and spiritual freedom I enjoy, even if that meant they decided to leave the Church. Those of my children that have taken other paths know how very much I love them, and would do anything to help them. I consider them equals - peers, if you will, and grateful that they are my friends as well as my children. The realization I had today is that I should extend the same grace to katie, even though she has cut me out. It doesn't make any difference. I still love her and would do anything for her.