I am home now - and wanted to let you know that I am ok. My sister Linda is here until the 23rd. She is helping me organize my life and teaching me better nutrition.
The weight loss I have been experiencing over the last 3 months was due to anxiety. I felt full when eating only a little food because of nausea induced from anxiety. MNy sensitivity to my body was reduced from depression, so I didn;t recognize what's happening.
Several events all happened udring the same week after General Conference that caused me to lose hope. On Friday 10/10, I was unable to eat and barely able breath. It was a panic attack it would not harm me, but it felt like I was dying.
I am on anti-depressants again. I will probably be on them the rest of my life. I am also taking anti-anxiety medication.
I thought I was doing better, but I crumbled so quickly. Coming to Texas has isolated me even more than before, but I would be in this situation whether I had come to Texas or not. The bottom line is that I am not assertive - I have to develop the ability to resist influence from others.
In my place in life right now, I do not see myself ever being happy again. I feel no pleasure now - not even a glimmer. I live in fear of the future.
I am setting up Short Term Disability now with the help of my primary care physician.
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